


Every day's super, stupidly great when there's a sale...

by Lupi



Category: Persona 4, Persona Series
Genre: Black Friday, Community: badbadbathhouse, Gen, Humor, Shopping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-12
Updated: 2011-05-12
Packaged: 2017-10-19 07:59:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/198655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lupi/pseuds/Lupi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Junes is having a Black Friday style-sale. Cue the mayhem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Every day's super, stupidly great when there's a sale...

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a prompt on the bathhouse, for which unfortunately I have lost the link. Warning, this story is **very stupid** but I had a great time writing it.
> 
> (We don't have black Friday in England, so I had thoroughly entertaining time researching this prompt and I hope you enjoy reading it)

Big-bro! Big bro! Come quick! Yosuke-nii and Teddie are on television!”

Nanako’s excited shout had Souji running from his room so fast that he tripped at the top of the stairs, fell down them and nearly broke his leg. Mindful of his young, impressionable cousin in his presence, he refrained from uttering any one of the surprising number of obscenities that sprang helpfully to his mind as he picked himself up from the floor, instead he settled for a much less satisfying, “ouch” and hobbled into the sitting room.

Nanako barely even glanced at him as he flopped down onto the sofa. Her eyes were wide and glued to the screen, her mouth agape, her hands clasped to her chest. Souji followed her gaze warily.

“Gooooood eeeeeeeeeeevening, viewers…” came Teddie’s voice, slightly oddly from the screen. Souji’s heart jumped to his mouth and he craned forward desperately searching for a trace of yellow eyes, his mind wondering desperately if the midnight channel had suddenly become the six-thirty in the evening channel.

Yosuke popped into view after that, looking slightly red around the gills but smiling nonetheless. It was the kind of smile one would wear if there was a person standing behind you with a loaded shotgun. “Welcome to Junes – where every day is customer appreciation day!” He winked and added, “And of course – every day’s great at your Inaba Junes.”

“Yay. He said Inaba!” Squealed Nanako.

Souji’s brain started to hurt along with his ankle.

“We come to you live from Inaba Junes to bring you a beary special announcement,” Teddie had blatantly stepped in front of Yosuke and was sparkling at the camera. Behind him Yosuke rolled his eyes at someone off set and then grimaced and turned back to the camera, fake smile in place.

It wasn’t the midnight channel, Souji released, it was worse.

“So…shoppers, do we have a treat in store for you! To celebrate the New Year in style, Inaba Junes have decided to hold a special, one-time-only end of season sale.” said Yosuke, his eyes drifting to a point off set again before snapping back to the camera. He grinned sheepishly. “More details will follow shortly but rest assured this will be the…uh…sale of the century.”

“Loyal customers possessing Junes Brand Membership Cards will have access to the store a whole hour before it is opened to the rest of the public. Teddie will be on hand to show you all around, especially you lovely ladies. I arrange a Teddielicious extra special discount for _you…_ if you let me sc-,” Shouted Teddie excitedly. Yosuke lunged towards him and clamped a hand over his mouth, laughing nervously.

“Y-yeah, there’ll be loads of surprises in store for all our great customers. Tune in tomorrow to find out more…” He glared at Teddie and not so subtly whacked him on the back of the head. Souji heard him whisper, ‘this is live, idiot’ he turned back to the camera and winked. “Soooo…tune in tomorrow, viewers when all will be revealed! Bye!”

“Byeeeee!” Said Teddie, finally free of Yosuke’s hold. He ran towards the camera, sparkling crazily and Souji heard Yosuke’s voice shouting something and then the screen went all fuzzy. The camera appeared to be pointing at the sky and then it went blank. Yeah. Definitely a kazillion times worse than anything he’d seen on the midnight channel. At least the shadows had had an aura of professionalism about them.

Nanako was suspiciously quiet. Souji turned to look at her. She was as one made of stone, sparkly, overjoyed, way-too-excited stone. She was still gazing at the TV a rapt expression on her face, eyes wide, almost in tears, mouth open, hands clasped to her heaving chest. Souji wondered idly if she was hyperventilating.

“B-big…bro…” she managed to squeeze out finally.

“Uh…are you okay there, Nanako?”

“Junes is…they’re…” she turned to him and smiled so broadly and so scarily that for an instant, Souji was reminded of Yosuke’s shadow. He winced slightly. Nanako blinked in ecstasy and sighed happily, “Junes is having a _sale_ … I think this is the best day of my life ever.” Her face suddenly fell and she looked comically crushed, “Oh no –I washed Daddy’s Junes Brand Membership Card last time I did the laundry. Big-bro, we must find that card.”

* * *

 

Souji was surprised by Nanako’s reaction, but it was nothing compared to the mayhem that was awaiting him at school. Yosuke had been absent for the last few days and had been out of contact with them. Souji guessed he knew the reason now – Junes was closed, gearing up for the sale-to-end-all-sales, and if he knew Yosuke’s dad (and he was pretty sure he did by now), his would have his son working every given hour to make sure everything was in place for the big day.

He was surprised therefore to see Yosuke creep into the classroom, head down, headphones on, looking a little flustered – like he’d been running (or fleeing) – just before the morning bell sounded.

The class fell silent as he slid in, trying to be as unobtrusive as possible and every eye in the room was on him. And then suddenly:

“Spill, Hanamura. What’s with the sale?”

“Oh my god, I can’t believe it!”

“Is it too late to get one of those discount card things?”

“When is it?”

“It’d better not be on a school day, man.”

“You’ve gotta tell us everything.”

“What discounts are you giving?”

“This is so exciting!”

“Hey, Yosuke-chan, you wanna have lunch with me?”

“Shut up. He’s having have lunch with me, right?!”

“Don’t listen to them – they’re only after a discount! Pick me. I only want you to put aside that cute red dress from the autumn collection for me.”

“Yeah and give you 75% off the original price!”

The bell sounded and was completely ignored. Yosuke buried his head in his desk and cringed. For someone who’d always wanted to be popular, wanted and liked, he seemed a little clueless as to how to deal with all this attention. Souji turned around and gave him a sympathetic smile Yosuke met his eyes and whispered “Help me…!”

“Hey Seta, stop trying to get one up on us! Just because you’re the “best friend” doesn’t mean you get to be first in line for discounts. Besides, I was his friend waaaay before you showed up, right Yukiko?” Chie’s indignant voice came from his right. He glanced at her - she and Yukiko were glaring at him. Souji winced and turned back to face the front of the room. Miss Kashiwagi was standing there, watching the class. Thank goodness – finally there could be some semblance of order.

“Yeah. Don’t show _him_ any favours, Hana-chan.” Kashiwagi said, smirking, “go for someone who’ll actually _give_ you something in return. You know…I’ve always thought you were the _cutest_ of my students. How about you trade me one of those nice membership cards and a…let’s see…extra ten percent off everything in the sale discount and I’ll give you the answer sheets for the exam papers for the rest of the year?”

“Uh…can I go home, please?” moaned Yosuke, burying his head between his hands.

“Absolutely not!” Kashiwagi shot a predatory smile at him, and turned to the rest of the class, “all right, idiots, time to quit your pointless babble. Today we’re going to learn all about economics. Let’s see…oh, Hanamura, tell me: if I have ¥5000 to spend on some delicious, lacy unmentionables, and I happen to visit a…oh I don’t know…a department store and that store is having a sale, if I buy an item that should be ¥3500 at full price how much change will I get getting with the sale discount?”

“You didn’t say what the discount was.” Pointed out Souji, helpfully, he was anticipating having to answer the question like he always did for Yosuke, and wanted to be prepared.

“2100 yen.” Said Yosuke dully, interrupting him.

The class gasped. Perhaps amazed that Yosuke had managed to answer a maths question without resorting to pleading with Souji for assistance, or perhaps the smarter ones amongst them had figured out exactly the answer implied. Miss Kashiwagi stared at him and a slow smile spread across her face. She marked something down on a notepad. “Excellent, Hanamura. All right, class. For my next question, hmmm, now then many department stores offer a membership reward scheme as an incentive to entice customers back. What percentage of a town’s shopping population do you think the store could expect to join a membership scheme? Let’s see, I’ll ask…Hanamura!”

“39.5%” replied Yosuke, not looking up.

“Which in a small town, a small rural town for instance…like, oh I don’t know _Inaba_ , how many people would that be? I’ll ask…hmmm….Hanamura?”

“About 4000, maybe more.”

“Hmmm. Interesting. Very interesting. So if one is expecting up to 4000 customers to descend on a store, what time would you have to open to make sure that everyone could get served?”

“Six in the morning.”

“Really? So I’d need to get there before midnight…hmmm, anyway see, class, this is the kind of thing a store has to consider before deciding to have a sale. So…let’s see, on the occasion when a store decides to have a sale, obviously there are various factors they have to consider. Offering a ridiculous discount will entice customers in, but it will also mean that they have to sell some items at a loss. So usually a store will mark down only selected items, things they’d otherwise have to throw away. Selling at a loss is better than no sale at all. So…to make sure that they do not loose too much money, what kind of things would a store do to make sure that they make some money?” Kashiwagi glanced around the class superficially, and then looked back at Yosuke, a predatory gleam in her eyes. “Yosuke Hanamura? Are you sleeping in my class? Tell me the answer!”

“Huh?” Yosuke blinked at her and then said with a distinct groan, “Geez.” Suddenly he sprang from his seat, his best Junes grin plastered on his face, he ran to the front of the class, grabbed the board wiper to use as a microphone and announced, with unnatural cheeriness, “Dear viewers, all will be revealed when you tune in a six thirty this evening. Please be assured that there will be many, many fabulous offers and specials for all of our beloved customers because _every day’s great at your Junes_.” Yosuke actually sang the shop’s jingle at full volume, he grinned, bowed to the class and then his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he collapsed.

“Certainly will be.” Muttered Kashiwagi. She turned to Souji, “you, Seta, take him to the infirmary. Make sure he’s okay. We wouldn’t want him missing his important TV interview tonight, would we?”

* * *

 

Yosuke had woken some time in the afternoon and had left school when Souji went to check on him. He tried calling his friend but his phone was switched off. Souji walked home with Chie. Superficially they stopped by Junes to see if Yosuke was okay. It was almost like the old investigation days, he and Chie were checking their friend hadn’t been kidnapped (although they both knew that the only people around capable of throwing someone into a television were the investigation team themselves and although Souji often longed to launch one, or sometimes all, of his friends into the TV, he’d so far refrained from doing so. They’d be able to escape anyway.) Really, they both knew that they wanted to see what was going on.

There was a massive crowd there already, bigger than had ever been there for the murders or even for Risette. Film crews and cameras were everywhere. At the centre of the mayhem Souji noticed his uncle, directing his underlings here and there to keep the crowd away from the store. Souji edged forward, “Hey Ryo-kun…over here!” he yelled as he got close. He knew that bit of insubordination would get his uncle’s attention.

Sure enough, the detective swung around and glared into the crowd. His eyes rested on Souji and the glare darkened for a moment before he held up a hand. For an instant, Souji thought his uncle was going to flip him a bird – then he remembered the film crews all around. He grinned as Dojima beckoned him forward. As he got closer, he realised he was standing in front of a very embarrassed looking Yosuke and an equally terrifyingly excited Teddie.

Yosuke was talking to his father, who was sitting in chair labelled director, drinking coffee. Although on closer inspection, Yosuke was actually arguing with his father. Nothing unusual there then.

“I am not doing it!” screamed Yosuke.

“You have to. It’s for **Junes**!” replied his father.

“Yay Junes!” Shouted the crowd.

Yosuke rolled his eyes and folded his arms. “I am **not** doing it. Ground me all you like. Whatever. I don’t care - do what you will. You won’t change my mind.”

“B-but… J-Junes….won’t someone _please_ think of Junes…” moaned his father.

“You already do - it’s all you bloody think about!” Yosuke pointed out.

“Um, Hanamura-sama, we’re on in fifteen minutes…” the camera man said as discreetly as possible.

“See Yosuke! See what a mess you get us in to!”

Souji blinked as Yosuke’s mother appeared from nowhere and joined in the argument. If he wasn’t confident Yosuke could hold his own against his parents (which, given that his obstinate streak had well and truly kicked in, he could easily) he would have stepped in to help.

“ _I got you into this?_?” Yosuke repeated incredulously. “Geez, mom, it’s your frickin’ idea – why don’t you pose as the ‘lady shopper?’ God, don’t you think I’m embarrassed enough being in this ridiculously crappy commercial as it is? I am not dressing in drag just so we can follow your lame script!”

“Well what do you suggest then, since you so obviously dislike your mother’s idea?” asked his father.

Yosuke thought for a moment, glancing at the crowd eagerly pushing in on him and then sighed. “Dojima-san, may I borrow your megaphone, please?”

Dojima handed over the megaphone without question. Souji was going to ask why when Yosuke’s voice suddenly cracked above the crowd. He hadn’t quite got the hang of the megaphone yet and it squealed awfully. He winced and tried again, “H-hello shoppers!”

The crowd went silent, all eyes were on him. He blushed and closed his eyes for a second before taking a breath and launching back into speech, “Valued shoppers, Junes has a one time special today! We need two volunteers to star in our Junes commercial, the lucky two will be permitted to enter the store ten minutes before-,”

“I’m in.”

“Me too.”

Dojima and Chie stood forward before Yosuke even had chance to finish. Souji felt a little left out. But he figured he’d be able to convince Yosuke to let him in early if he tried hard enough. Yosuke looked stunned, and glanced from one to the other before sighing and announcing to the annoyed crowd that they’d got their volunteers, thank you. A lot of angry mutterings followed this, until Dojima casually pulled his gun from its holster and handed it to Yosuke, saying loudly, “I guess **I** don’t need to use this, do I?”

“Uh…n-no…”

Dojima raised an eyebrow and smiled, “now then Hanamura-kun, what do you want me to do?”

“Um…you…you t-two are married couple ‘A’” Yosuke was still clearly stunned, he glanced at Chie and shook his head, “Er…here’s your script. My dad will tell you what to do…please stand over…over h-here…”

* * *

Souji wasn’t sure whose acting was crappiest. It was quite the most cringe-worthy thing he’d ever had the privilege of witnessing. He’d made sure to call Nanako and made her promise to record the whole thing. His mum just _had _to see this. Scrap that. The whole frigging _world_ had to see this!__

Yosuke wasn’t too bad, although he was clearly embarrassed; then again, he had always been pretty good at make-believe. Teddie was too excited to be of any use and kept jumping around, sparkling at random. Dojima was as stiff as a board and Chie was just…well…embarrassing.

“so WHAT CAN i expECT froM THIS sale?” said Married Man A, he then turned to the camera and grinned and waved, “Hey Nanako! Daddy’s on TV!”

“Well, sir…” Yosuke cringed and then gamely moved forward, taking Dojima’s arm and guiding him to the sale sign Teddie was dancing with. “Dammit, Teddie – keep still!” he muttered, “Um…here you go we are-,”

Chie came in before her cue, “Great.” Clearly her acting was modelled on her favourite movie stars. She gestured wildly, “wow a whole 40 to 50 percent off _EVERYTHING_?” she grinned at the camera, “When is it? No, wait…um…when does it start?”

 _“The sale starts at…”_

 _“Teddie will be there to answer _all the wishes_ of you sexy ladies, rrrrraaawwwww…”_

“Um **The sale starts at** ”

“Sorry, I forgot my line. Er…WE cannot WAiT FoR the saLE.”

“Are you Beary-excited, Dojima-san!”

“SHUT UP, TEDDIE…ahhahahahah, I mean – Customer’s will receive an extra…owwwww!”

Yosuke got whacked in the nose by one of Chie’s wild gestures, “So if I come along…” she growled and adopted the ‘lotus’ stance, “I can _beat_ all the other shoppers to the best discounts? Whaaattaaaaa. Oops, sorry Yosuke!”

“Uh…” Yosuke stared helplessly at the camera, cradling the side of his head where Chie had hit him. Again. The crowd watching cheered. Souji sniggered.

“The POLice WiLL BE in ATTenDaNCE.” Said Dojima. “No FUNNY Business or so help me I’ll teach you PUNKS a lesson you won’t forget in a hurry and I’ll haul your ASSES to the station for questioning and then I’ll-,”

“Can we **please** stick to the script?” Moaned Yosuke, gently moving Dojima away from the camera he’d been glaring into.

Teddie danced in front of him, sparkling and twirling, “JUNESSSSSSSSSSSSSS… IS BEARRRRRRRRRRRY TEDDDDDDDDDDILICIOUS. YAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY. BBBBBBEARSOOOOOOOONA!”

Yosuke glanced helplessly at his father and shrugged. Suddenly his mom came on set, megaphone in hand, muttering, “I knew we should have pre-recorded this! Remind me never to let your dad take charge of advertising in future.”

“Tell me about it,” replied Yosuke quietly.

He took the megaphone from her and turned it on. It squealed again and he blushed bright red again. “Er…okay, shoppers! Listen up! We-we….uh…” He glanced around and saw his mom was brandishing Dojima’s discarded gun, chasing him around the set. Chie was practicing karate chops against imaginary foes (or fellow shoppers, he wasn’t sure which). Teddie was…being Teddie. Yosuke blinked and sighed, loudly. “Junes sale. Starts at six thirty AM this Saturday. One day only. Everything in store, and I m-mean EVERYTHING is 40% off or more. Junes Club Members may enter the store from 0600 hours. There are plenty of surprises in store still to come! Please come and get a leaflet for more details… every day’s great…yeah you know the rest! Bye!” He waved, grinning falsely and then shouted, Cut! Cut! CUT!”

Yep. Definitely the crappiest thing he’d seen in ages, thought Souji, as he posted the advert to every video sharing website he could think of.

* * *

 

Yosuke didn’t come to school for the rest of the week. Souji rang him a couple of times but he didn’t answer. Everything was shunting through to his voicemail. He’d changed his message too, “Hi, if this is one of my _real_ friends, I’ll call you back on Sunday. If I’m still alive. If you’re not a friend or you’re calling about anything Junes related you can **Piss Off**. I mean…er…come to the store on Saturday, heheh…no I didn’t say tell anyone to piss off, Dad….” Then came a low, menacing whisper as a door closed in the background, “actually I meant – _go fuck yourselves, assholes_!” and then a cheery “BYE!”

His shadow would have been proud of him.

* * *

On Friday it was announced that school would be closed the next day as a special, one day only present for the students but if any of them were planning on going to a certain department store that was having a sale on the next day and they got their early they’d better save a space in the queue for their teachers or they’d all be getting F’s on their next assignments.

* * *

 

Dojima came home early on Friday night.

“Yay, Dad’s home!” announced Nanako, as Dojima walked into the living room. She was still super-hyperactive after the week she’d had. There was no way on earth she was going to go to bed that night. Souji was just glad he wasn’t going to be the one to have to make the attempt.

“Nanako. Change to Channel 6. And get Daddy some beer.” Dojima ordered, taking up residence on the nearest couch. His daughter rushed to obey. She knew who had one of only the two ten-minutes-early-access-to-the-Junes-sale-tickets in existence.

“Gooooood Eeeeeeeving, everybody!”

Souji jumped as Yosuke’s voice came eerily through the television. Whoever wrote that bloody script needed shooting, he thought, it was waaaaay too similar to the midnight channel. He had a heart-attack every time he heard it.

Yosuke had the only microphone this evening. He was standing in front of the store, dressed in his Junes uniform. It seemed like every member of staff from the store was standing behind him. Teddie appeared to have a piece of duct tape over his mouth and four people were holding him back. He was sparkling desperately.

“Tomorrow is the grand sale, we hope to see you all there!” said Yosuke, through gritted teeth, “but in case you are wondering what we have in store for you, Inaba Junes have decided to present to you this special report on what you can expect.”

The camera panned around for a moment, almost giving Souji motion sickness and then swung back around to Yosuke, who was holding up some photo-boards. “The sale begins at six am, and Inaba’s very own lovely Risette will be here to officially open the doors. The first fifty shoppers through the doors will also receive an additional 5% discount at the tills. Remember shoppers, every item in store is in the sale and is discounted by up to 50%. For one day only, the food court will also be taken over by our local Inaba businesses serving your favourite local delicacies, which means Junes food will be edible for once, hehe.”

An object was thrown from off camera at Yosuke’s head.

“Ow…” whoever threw it had good aim. “Er… that was a joke, viewers. Junes food is just bloo….oming delicious!” Yosuke grinned and scratched the back of his neck, “er, we’ll also have exhibitions and stalls from our other local shops and junk, so there’s crap…I mean there’s fabulous stuff here for everyone. Yay.”

He cast another scared look at the person off camera and quickly nodded, “er…um…anyway, come tomorrow. Don’t be late or all the bargains will be gone. There are people camping here already so…you know…move your ass…assets…! Um…sorry…hehe…we’ can’t wait to see you all! And remember,” he turned to the employees behind him and gave them the thumbs up, as one they sang “Every day’s great at your Junes,” and waved. Unfortunately, that meant whoever was holding Teddie let him go and he shot forward, cannoned into Yosuke, who in turn fell into the camera with a loud, “Shit!”

“ **That does it**!” roared Dojima, jumping to his feet, spilling his beer. Souji stood too - ready to try to defend his friend if his uncle demanded instant retribution for his poisoning of Nanako’s innocent mind. “Nanako, go get the blankets. Souji, get my car keys.”

“…um…why…?” began Souji.

“I DIDN’T ASK FOR YOUR OPINION, JUST YOUR MOTION, GET MOVING, DIPSHIT!” shouted Dojima.

So much for poisoning Nanako’s innocent mind then. Souji knew when to run. Right now was a good time.

“What’s up, Daddy?” asked Nanako, returning moments later, fearfully clutching the blankets to her chest.

“Where’s my wallet? There. Good. Right, you two, get in the car.”

“B-but.”

“NOW!” Dojima followed them out, almost pushing them into the car. “I’ll be damned if some civvies steal a march on me. We’re going to Junes now.”

“Er…don’t you have an early-bird card…?” Souji cringed as Dojima slammed the car door behind them and flung himself into the driver’s seat.

“Like that’ll be worth shit if we get there too late. Did you see the crowd there already? No way am I trying to push my way through that tomorrow. We’re going to camp there tonight.”

“Uh…b-but, shouldn’t Nanako…I mean, wouldn’t it be better if I stayed with Nanako at home tonight, and we’ll meet you tomorrow.”

“Not a chance.” Said Nanako, suddenly turning on him. “Daddy’s useless at shopping. If he’s going early, I’m going too. You can stay at home if you want to miss the sale, Big-bro.”

Souji sighed and leaned back on the headrest. It was going to be a long 24 hours. He was only amazed Yosuke hadn’t rung him up yet to beg for help. Sure enough, just as the thought was running through his mind, his phone began to ring. Souji sighed and readied himself to disappoint his friend for the first time in his life.

“H-hey, partner!”

Yosuke sounded exhausted, Souji realised. And desperate. He could almost see the big puppy-like brown eyes pleading with him. He was screwed. Fucking thanks, Yosuke.

“Hello, Yosuke.” Replied Souji, cautiously. Dojima heard the name and slammed on the breaks. “Gimme that!” he snarled. Souji pretended not to have heard him, “What’s up?”

“This fucking sale, whaddya expect?” moaned Yosuke.

“I…can’t. Sorry.” Spluttered Souji.

“Huh? What?” Yosuke sounded confused and then he laughed weakly, “Oh god no, partner, I’m not ringing you to ask you to work tomorrow. God, I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. I did ask Chie though…forgot she had that crappy card.” He laughed again, a little darkly and then sighed, “I rang to say goodbye.”

“Yosuke! YOSUKE! Do **not** do anything stupid. I’ll be right there, just-,”

“…ooooookay… Souji, have you been drinking?”

“No.”

“Oh. Just thought I’d check. Oh I see, you thought I was going to…geez, you’re such a dork.” His laugh was a little more genuine this time, “No, man, I was ringing to say goodbye you know, just in case. These sales can get a little crazy. I want you to know that if I die, I want you to have all my stuff and I want you to watch Teddie’s reaction when you let him watch porn. It is hilarious, I promise you. Er, anyway, that’s all. I’ll talk to you Sunday if I make it through this…”

“You’ll be fine.” Said Souji, in his best ‘leader’ tone.

“Yeah…I take you’ve not seen the crowd of people here already.” Snorted Yosuke, “G’bye, man. It’s been epic.” He hung up and Souji spent a moment staring at his phone, worriedly. Dojima started the car again, muttering loudly about useless nephews and dammed civilians and needing his beer.

* * *

 

The Junes car park was filling up even as they arrived. It wasn’t even eight in the evening. Dojima took one look at it, took his blue lights from the glove-box, stuck them on and drove to the door. He nearly ran over at least 6 people on the way. Nanako clung to Souji’s hand. He thought she was scared until she shouted excitedly, “Yay, Daddy – hit that man over there!” Dojima swerved and the man in question fell into a bush. Nanako cheered. Souji began to wish he had broken his leg. If he had he might have escaped this… nightmare

There was a crowd near the entrance to the store. Souji was reminded of some horror movie he’d seen. People were milling around aimlessly, blank looks on their faces muttering random crap. Dojima got to the front of the queue, mainly because he’d driven his truck there, but also because he had pulled his gun out and was casually wandering around with it firmly in his grasp. Souji sighed as he followed him trying to ignore the evil looks they were receiving from the zombies…er…other customers.

Eventually they manoeuvred to the front of the queue. Predictably Chie was there, tent already set up. He was surprised to see Yukiko there with her, smiling sheepishly. There was only one tent in front of theirs. Souji wondered who the heck could be sadder than Chie only to find himself confronted by a small figure, wearing a distinctive blue hat glaring up at him.

“I think you will find that this position is already…oh, Dojima-san.” Naoto blushed and away, “Souji-senpai and Nanako-chan too, I see.” She looked back up at Dojima, a fierce look on her face, “If you are presuming that because I consider you my superior I will relinquish my place in the queue for you, I fear you are sorely mistaken. And do not assume I will not stand my ground. You are not the only person here permitted to carry a revolver, Dojima-san.” She squared her shoulders and met his eyes manfully, one hand resting significantly against her hip.

Dojima stared at her in some surprise and then sighed, “Fine but you are letting Nanako use your tent.”

“Um…”

“That’s an order, Shirogane.” He snapped.

“Y-y-yessir.” Naoto glanced at Nanako and shrugged.

* * *

 

Just as Souji had expected, Nanako didn’t sleep a wink. She was like Teddie after eating ten topsickles but worse. Everybody else in the queue was way too suspicious of everyone else to even attempt to snooze in case somebody stole their place. Souji hadn’t even had that option. Dojima had crawled back to the truck some hours ago and was currently snoring. He’d found some beer under his seat, had consumed it with delight and had spent much of the rest of the night insulting anyone stupid enough to question why his truck was parked outside the front door of Junes.

Nanako soon sorted him out. She needed the bathroom and Dojima had to sort that out – Junes opening or not. Souji was nearly ordered to sort that out, until Dojima realised that his charming nephew was much better suited to holding his own in the queue. He was ordered to keep buttering Shirogane, Sakonata and Amagi up, not to move and to call his uncle if _anything_ happened.

Souji really, really wished he had broken his leg when he’d slipped down the stairs.

By four thirty, Rise had arrived, looking extremely dopey. She muttered something about being paid up front for this crap as she passed Souji and he noticed that her makeup was only half done. She slipped into Junes, narrowly avoiding the crush of people who realised the doors were opening and pressed forward to get in there first. Souji found himself squished against the glass doors, staring into the store. Yosuke was there, looking terrified. He saw Souji and said something to the guards. They shrugged. Yosuke grabbed his phone and dialled a number.

Souji hoped it wasn’t the Inaba police department. They really wouldn’t be any help right now. He reckoned most of them were already in the queue. Suddenly, there was a shout of “I said MOVE!” and the crowd began to cringe back.

“Dumbass punks, get outta my fuckin’ way.”

Souji peeled his face away from the door and stood back, finally able to breath again.

“You okay there…” came Kanji’s voice from behind him.

“I’m fine thank you…” began Souji, smiling.

“N-Naoto-kun.” finished Kanji, worriedly. He swung around to discover his friend was standing protectively in front of the Detective’s diminutive form, snarling at everyone within a two meter radius.

“I am perfectly capable of caring for myself, thank you, Tatsumi.”

“Whatever.” Shrugged Kanji, “S’not what Yosuke-senpai said. Said you were in trouble when he called.” Naoto blushed and opened her mouth to contradict him when the doors swung open again and Rise, Teddie and Yosuke emerged.

The crowd inched forward, only to be halted by a certain bleach-haired, rather intimidating youth glaring at them. “Any of you shits comes near my friends I’ll fuckin’…”

“Er…Kanji…could you…uh…tone it down a little. Kids present and stuff…” muttered Yosuke in his ear.

“Oh fuck, I forgot. Sorry Senpai.”

Yosuke sighed and switched his megaphone on. Dojima ran forward, dragging Nanako with one hand, his gun in the other. He shoved into the queue in front of Chie but behind Naoto. Souji nearly fell into the potted plants next to the door.

“Thank you for coming, shoppers.” Announced Yosuke, “as promised the lovely Risette will open the doors for you in twenty minutes time.” The crowd realised the doors were open and a few made a slight attempt to move forward. Fortunately for Rise and Yosuke, most were daunted by the guns Naoto and Dojima were now wielding, and by the look on the ‘local delinquent boy’s’ face. “But first, she is going to perform a track from her previous album…called…hehe…appropriately _shopping in hell_.”

Rise glared at him. Teddie glared at him. Everybody in the crowd glared at him. An unidentified object was thrown at his head from somewhere above him.

“Ow.” Squeaked Yosuke, “Geez, it was a _joke_ people. She’s gonna sing the full feature length Junes tune and we’d like you all to join in.”

“Screw that. I want to shop.”

“Yeah!”

“Let us in!”

“LET US IN! LET US IN! LET US IN!”

“Yeah, Daddy. Make ‘em open the doors.” Shouted Nanako, loudly.

“Okay, Nanako. On my shoulders then. You take Daddy’s gun. Ready? One, two…THREE…”

Yosuke and Teddie exchanged a look of horror. Suddenly the pure threat of Kanji’s glare was powerless to protect them. Following Nanako’s cry of ‘CHARGE!!’ The crowd surged forward towards the open doors.

“HHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEELPPPPPPPPPP!” yelled Teddie, sprinting back towards the store as fast as his legs could carry him in his mascot suit.

“Cr-rud!” snapped Naoto, feeling herself becoming crushed, before being snatched into a pair of very strong arms, and being lifted up and out of harms way and back into the store. Kanji kicked anyone that was in his way. Chie chased after him, dragging Yukiko behind her, galactic-punting at anyone stupid enough to try to block them.

Souji cringed and decided that the flower pot really was a good place to hide.

“Se-senpaiiiiiiiiiiiii.” screamed Rise, as the crowd descended on her. Suddenly Souji found her on top of him in the flowerpot and Yosuke on top of them both. Yosuke had apparently grabbed her around the waist and had launched them both out of harms way. He grinned awkwardly as the crowd surged past them all.

“Told you it was going to be c-crazy.” he said.

“Uh…sh-shouldn’t we…aren’t w-we supposed to be…uh…shopping, Yosuke?” asked Souji, becoming uncomfortably aware of the warm bundle of Rise who apparently had no intention of going anywhere. She was grinning at him. Yosuke looked at him from over her shoulder and grinned too,

“No fucking way am I setting foot in that place today, man.”


End file.
